This is just a little gift from me to you. Consider it a favor I’m doing you and please follow these rules strictly.*
1. I know, right?!
Stop saying this. Please. Everyone in the world, please. Just… stop. It’s a question statement that signifies nothing and asks even less.
2. It is what it is…
You might as well say, ‘Four equals Four’ cause you’ll sound just as fucking stupid.
3. High Five!
Both the action and the saying of said action are ridiculous. Do you and your friend a favor and just hug.
4. Literally.
I haven’t figured it out yet, but there has to be another way to express that your words mean their literal definition, and most especially if you do not know what this means… STOP IT.
5. Let’s do this!
Why don’t you just scream “DATE RAPE IS MY HOBBY!”
You’re welcome.
Love,
Nathaniel
* The author uses all the phrases mentioned in this list daily, and admits freely that his contempt is more for himself than for anyone else who may use these phrases.
Addendum
Special Addition.
I forgot the most important phrase, the one that started me on this whole thing.
“Living the dream. “
Really dickhead, working at Starbucks is your Dream? Or being a bartender? Is it just me or are your dreams of shockingly low quality. If you are really living your dream shouldn’t you be flying, or at the very least DRIVING A MUCH NICER CAR?
