I am leaving you.

Endings are strange things. We go to a party and stand in small circles and remind each other that we do not forget. We laugh at the bad things that happened and how bad they were, and we cry for the good things that happened and how good they were. The laughs are talismans against future bad things, and the tears are little sacrifices in the hopes that the good things will come again.

As I race around this city preparing to leave it I am making little lists. I am sending out little prayers to all the people that shared all of those moments. I am saying, I do not forget. I do not forget the cups of coffee. The laughing. The bedrooms. The sunrises. The flat tires. The sing-a-longs. The black eyes. The kisses. The bathrooms. The dances. The nights. The night.

I am leaving you Portland Oregon. Now that I am leaving the city is blooming again. The pollen of each of these events is falling down around me and sometimes I find myself, very unexpectedly, in a place I have not been for a long time. Or loving something I have not loved for a long time.

When this happens I stop and I remember, and I remind myself that only from the end does the beginning ever look this good.

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4 Responses to “I am leaving you.”


  1. 1 allison jones a.k.a. jonesy February 19, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Best of Luck to you Nathaniel
    Life is a process so enjoy the journey
    & Laugh along the way
    Seize the day!
    xo Until we meet again- Jonesy

  2. 2 ginny nelson February 20, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Nae, the potential memories ahead of you are both scary and exciting. Make the most of the opportunities. I love and miss you. I always enjoy your writing. Good luck. Ginny 2

  3. 3 Jade February 20, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Boo-hoo! I was so looking forward to seeing your show at PCS, but our baby girl decided she wanted to arrive that night (actually in the wee hours of Sunday morning), joining the big brother I was incubating when I last saw you (but we weren’t telling people yet). And now you’re leaving. So sad. I wish you all the best. Come back to DJ my 20th high-school reunion!

  4. 4 patchooh April 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    “When this happens I stop and I remember, and I remind myself that only from the end does the beginning ever look this good.”

    Each and every time. Couldn’t have put it better myself.


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