5 things you should never say again, or “Fuck Yeah!” is the new “Totally”. 2.0

This is just a little gift from me to you. Consider it a favor I’m doing you and please follow these rules strictly.*

1. I know, right?!
Stop saying this. Please. Everyone in the world, please. Just… stop. It’s a question statement that signifies nothing and asks even less.

2. It is what it is…
You might as well say, ‘Four equals Four’ cause you’ll sound just as fucking stupid.

3. High Five!
Both the action and the saying of said action are ridiculous. Do you and your friend a favor and just hug.

4. Literally.
I haven’t figured it out yet, but there has to be another way to express that your words mean their literal definition, and most especially if you do not know what this means… STOP IT.

5. Let’s do this!
Why don’t you just scream “DATE RAPE IS MY HOBBY!”

You’re welcome.

Love,
Nathaniel

* The author uses all the phrases mentioned in this list daily, and admits freely that his contempt is more for himself than for anyone else who may use these phrases.

Addendum

Special Addition.

I forgot the most important phrase, the one that started me on this whole thing.

“Living the dream. “

Really dickhead, working at Starbucks is your Dream? Or being a bartender? Is it just me or are your dreams of shockingly low quality. If you are really living your dream shouldn’t you be flying, or at the very least DRIVING A MUCH NICER CAR?


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9 Responses to “5 things you should never say again, or “Fuck Yeah!” is the new “Totally”. 2.0”


  1. 1 Janie December 5, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    I’d say that all the time if I could get away with it. Eddie would wash my mouth out with soap. Many times I have wanted to ask him why he is so “F…… Stupid!!!!!!” He really is “ANAL”……..yep he is

    Love you

  2. 4 brian December 5, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    how about the 5 phrases that are persistently good.

    1. “hell yes” – beck forever made this phrase, amazing

    2. “as if” – a nod to our california value girl roots. i know it does not seem possible, but it is a very complex vernacular.

    3. “that is so funny” – a transitional line. a filler that does not include laughter.

    4. “what the fuck?” in it’s great many uses it can emote anger or humor.

    5.”mental” – this one is for my peeps in the UK. not a lot to do with us here in the US of A but i think it could catch on. usage “it was completely (not totally) mental,” or “are you mental,”

  3. 5 brad December 5, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    I think “literally” is only a problem when it is being used in the exact opposite way that it was intended. David Cross illustrates this nicely with a bit that begins with a guy saying “I literally shit my pants”. In this age of sarcasm and , “literally” is a good tool.

    Everything else on this list makes me nervous because it’s like 80% of my vocabulary and we just spent a week together. Were you quietly hating me the whole time?

  4. 6 Your Old Man December 6, 2011 at 9:14 am

    The worn out cliche’ “as well” makes my skin crawl. “Far out” never got old. I say “far out” everytime I put my face into into a set of sheets dried on a clothes line in the fresh air here in West Virginia.

    • 7 mary December 7, 2011 at 6:30 pm

      READ MORE BOOKS. There must be better ways of expressing oneself unless of course I AM PISSED OFF AND HAVE TO SAY FUCK FUCK FUCK. That is what expletives are for. It helps prevent wars.

      Is everyone so needy that we have to have filler and inane words of encouragement and support? What is wrong with silence instead of filler? Anyway, you know how “cool” a person seems who remains quiet and mysterious and darkly intelligent. (probably have nothing to say and if male are thinking about sex….I read that somewhere) MMM

  5. 9 Bawse May 15, 2013 at 12:45 am

    Some more shit that needs to go:

    “Who does that?”/”Seriously, who does that?”
    “Really?Really? Who does that?”
    “Weak sauce”

    I need a surplus of water balloons to fire at peeps who insist on using these hip language forms.

    That’s it for now.
    Thanks for the space to rant.


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