OK Stupid.

I have, once more, decided to try Internet Dating. Because I never learn from my mistakes, or the mistakes of others.

So last night I had an internet date.

Her profile had what a couple of my friends who are women called, “Red Flags”. But again, I’m not particularly prone to heeding warnings. It said she sings “Nookie”, by Limp Bizkit when she goes to karaoke… We assumed this was an Ironic choice, because really… how could it not be? It listed “Atlas Shrugged”, by Ayn Rand as her favorite book, she’d read it four times. Finally, and the thing I was most worried about, she lives in Santa Monica, which might as well be Oregon. I then confessed to mostly just liking her pictures and the pithy things that she said about her own photos.

As it turns out, Candy (not her real name), my date last night, does NOT in fact sing “Nookie” ironically. In fact, she works in the music industry and credits this to the fact that in COLLEGE someone introduced her to KORN. Fucking KORN. In COLLEGE. She then showed me a picture of her and Jonathan Davis at a Grammy party.

When I mentioned that I was a little bit shy about drinking and driving she proceeded to tell me about the BREATHALIZER that she purchased and keeps in her car. She bought a really expensive one because she never ever wanted to drink and drive due to a family tragedy that was SO tragic I feel a moral obligation to omit it from this story on the very very small chance that she may one day read this.

Finally, she is from Arizona, and her dad is the Vice President of some company. Meaning she really, really, really does subscribe to the Ayn Rand Libertarian/Ron Paul view of the world, also, without irony.

All this aside she was cute, and tall, and sweet, so we kissed beside her car.
She was a good kisser.

I probably won’t call her again.

This is the lead singer of KORN.

KORN? Really...?

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8 Responses to “OK Stupid.”


  1. 1 The old man May 1, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Pithy. Great word. Best blog ever.

  2. 2 Cate May 1, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Just so you know…if she even googled your name, then she already read this. That’s how I found it in the first place, haha.

    • 3 nathaniel May 1, 2012 at 1:35 pm

      Thanks Cate! Then I made the right choice by omitting the terrible family tragedy that beset her. I MAKE GOOD CHOICES.
      Honestly she’s a sweet girl and I had a good time, but… the reality is that it’s probably not going to work.

  3. 4 sexualness May 1, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    None of these seem like dealbreakers to me after age 31.

  4. 5 Cate May 1, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    : ) Yeah, I like to think that dating experiences that don’t go quite as hoped for help make the ones that do go really well stand out that much more. Silver lining, right?

    • 6 nathaniel May 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

      Yeah, I’m a little worried that person will find this and be hurt, which isn’t my intention. But I guess not worried enough to delete this.

  5. 7 Neesie May 4, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    KORN? What a fabulous story, Nathaniel! Well done!

  6. 8 Kate July 18, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    It’s not mean if it’s true.


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